


Everything is in tune and it's spring (Incident claim #413-612 )

by DigitalMeowMix



Category: Progressive Insurance "Flo" Commercials
Genre: A potentially rabid squirrel, Animals run amuck, Gen, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-05-29 19:10:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15079772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalMeowMix/pseuds/DigitalMeowMix
Summary: A rookie Farmers Insurance agent goes on field assignment that turns out to be out of his depth.Luckily an unexpected ally arrives!





	Everything is in tune and it's spring (Incident claim #413-612 )

**Author's Note:**

  * For [godtiermeme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/godtiermeme/gifts).



Stan sipped his coffee as he flicked through the claim papers stacked on the steering wheel in front of him. He made a point of always reviewing the paperwork before he went on site to keep the info of the claim fresh in his mind. It was a skill he had been taught in Farmers Academy as a young freshman. He had arrived at the academy fresh faced and eager to learn. The academy had taught him to be prepared for everything and he was happy to say that even with a 6 months of fieldwork under his belt he didn't think he would ever get used to excitement that every new bizarre case brought him. He checked his watch as he finished up reading the file he had been provided. 3:55 pm, perfect. he would be fashionably early. That was the kind of courtesy one was taught as a Farmers agent. He exited his professional but bland silver sedan and walked briskly across the street to the small townhouse in front of him.

Nothing looking amiss at first glance. The lawn was lush and green, and there was a small marble bird bath under on of the front windows. The house was a pleasant cream color that matched the rest of the row of houses on the perfectly suburban block. But Stan knew appearances were almost always deceiving. He took a deep breath to collect himself and rang the doorbell. It chimed his arrival. But after 15 seconds, nothing. He rang again. Still nothing. He was about to retrieve his appointment book from his pocket to double check the date and time he had written, when he heard a muffled crash and then footsteps that sounded like they were stepping on deep crunchy snow. The door opened, revealing a tired middle-aged women in a jeans and a tee shirt. "Good afternoon Mrs Cassidy, I'm Stan from Farmers here to talk about your claim," he greeted her. 

 

Mrs Cassidy greeted him with a strained smile and hello as she ushered him in. As soon as he entered the foyer he heard a crunch. He looked down to see he had stepped on pile of acorns. The women laughed sheepishly and sighed. "I would normally say please excuse the mess, but the whole house is like this." Stan got his notebook out of his satchel and began to write as she led him down the hall. As they walked it was impossible not to tread upon the debris that covered the floor: acorns, pine cones, pine needles, leaves of all shapes. It was as if he had walked into a lush forest instead of a modest family home. He passed a cuckoo clock on the wall and noticed the front of it had been chipped and all around it there were large scratch marks on the wall. As they entered the living room Mrs Cassidy began to speak.

"So we left on Friday and returned last night. My husband and I were on an anniversary getaway and we left our 18-year-old son in charge of his 13-year-old sister. Mike says he doesn't know how it happened, but we think Annie opened her bedroom window after he tucked her in Saturday night.”

Stan ordinarily would be listening intently to his client in order to write an accurate report, but instead he was staring slightly slack-jawed at what once may have been a warm and inviting living room. It was if there had been a stampede of woodland life. A pastel blue couch that had once been embroidered with small white flowers had vomited its plush cushions to the floor and all the cushions had huge gashes in which fluff sprouted. The gashes were long and thin as if made from long sharp claws. A lamp by the side of the couch had its shade tilted at a sharp angle and a large hole punched into it so you could see that the bulb resting inside was shattered. In place of the shattered bulb was a large pine cone. A large plasma TV was set in the wall opposite it, and its shattered screen had mud smeared in the cracks.

A large armchair in the corner had what looked like a large disassembled owl nest laying on it. The curtains surrounding the large picture windows on the front and back walls were shredded to ribbons and had a mural of small muddy paw prints littering the parts that weren't torn. All four walls had dents and scratches. And covering the the soft tan carpet was more of the forest floor just as in the hall. The only thing that Stan could think to say was a very unprofessional stunned mutter of, "How?" 

Mrs Cassidy began to explain in a resigned tone

“Annie is a special little girl, sir. She's always loved animals. We encouraged her at first, got her a hamster to start and talked about getting a cat or a dog. But as she got older we noticed animals acted odd around her. She liked to have staring contests with the birds at the feeder. And her hamster Mr Coco, I had no idea a tiny little rodent could do those kind of tricks. It's like it understood her when she talked. A neighbor has a huge pit bull and it came running up to barking up a storm one day in the yard. I screamed for her to play dead but she just waved her hand and it crouched down and looked at her like it was waiting for her to give it directions. That dog is an untrained menace.” She shuddered a bit and continued.

“Most girls her age want to play with their phones and go to the mall. But not Annie. She plays in the woods out back all day. Whenever we ask what she does out there, she just says she's playing with her friends. After that fox ended up under her bed last year we put the house on lockdown and only allowed to her to play outside with supervision. But she must have picked the childproof locks on her bedroom window during the night and... invited some of her friends in for a party.” Mrs Cassidy looked a bit haunted as she said this - it seemed uninvited guests were a problematic constant in her house

At this point Stan had resumed writing his notes, although he could hardly believe he was taking down this particular statement. But he reminded himself, the rule at Farmers was nothing was too strange. They covered everything because they had seen everything. Although he admitted to himself that that this was definitely his strangest case so far. As he finished up his notes for the living room, Mrs Cassidy sighed again. "You think this is bad? You haven't seen the upstairs yet.” Stan gulped. Suddenly there was a soft chittering noise in front of them. It seemed to be coming from under the destroyed couch. Then a scuffling noise joined it. "Oh shit!" Mrs. Cassidy exclaimed. "The damn pest control guy said he got them all!" She was shaking slightly and looked like she was about to cry. Stan was suddenly very uncomfortable. He knew first aid but if this woman had a mental breakdown right next to him he would be useless. He was also sure that he would not fare well against a bewitched rabid squirrel. They were both startled by a loud rapping on the window.

They turned to the front window to see a young women standing there. She had short hair and a very bright and enthusiastic smile and was wearing all white. She seemed to be motioning for someone to open the door. They both stared for a moment before Mrs Cassidy numbly went to the window and opened it. The young women scrambled in. He was shocked to see she had a Progressive name tag on her shirt. Dammit, competition at a time like this? The woman didn't even pause to look around at the destruction surrounding them before she cheerfully said, "Hello ma'am! I'm Flo from Progressive Insurance, we heard you had a problem."

Mrs Cassidy looked more stunned than she had before and babbled, "But I already called someone." She motioned uselessly to Stan. 

"Oh I'm not here for that, well not exactly," the woman replied cryptically. "I'm actually here to talk to you about your daughter. When will she be back from school?" 

Mrs Cassidy was obviously done giving a shit as she just glanced at her watch and replied blandly, "About five minutes." 

Flo's smile seemed to grow even wider. She moved to shuffle Mrs Cassidy to the ruined couch and sat beside her with a bounce. Stan felt the sudden need to be somewhere else. He prided himself on his professional demeanor in the face of weirdness but this woman was a little manic. “I'll show myself upstairs, ma'am," he stuttered, and made a hasty retreat. 

As he climbed the stairs he heard Flo began to speak. He couldn't help himself: he paused to listen in.

"Mrs Cassidy, your daughter has a gift," she began in a serious tone. “I'm here today because I also have a gift. I want offer your daughter the opportunity to hone her skills to do good in the world as I was taught to. Of course, my gifts are more financial in nature. But when I was her age, my pricing skills caused havoc just like hers. Why, without my price gun to harness my power now....”

This was getting too weird even for a Farmers agent. Stan hurried the rest of the way up the stairs.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song A smile and a Song which is the song Snow White sings to her animal friends. The incident #s are arc numbers from Homestuck that I included as a special treat for you as a Homestuck!
> 
> Sorry it took so long. I wrote this in a day last Yuletide season and then my computer was fucked for many months and then I got a new job.


End file.
